I feel compelled to write to you. Often, I fight the urge share with you my thoughts and feelings or share all that I’ve learned and all that I know because I am afraid of putting it all out there in the universe. Whatever I write here pretty much stays here forever and that feels very big. Too big to handle sometimes. Leaving myself open and vulnerable is not something that I do lightly. In fact, I am tightly guarded and easily embarrassed. Rather than write to you, I’ve been putting it all down on legal pads, sparkly notebooks, and journals. But these thoughts aren’t doing any good where no one can see them.
Let me tell you what brings me here. I’ve been wanting to be here for years and years. Long before blogging was even a real thing. Maybe I’m too late to join the party but I’m hoping that my perspective and background are unique enough to stand out. As a therapist, I have a pretty sophisticated knowledge of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. As a human, I have LIVED and learned and have a had blast almost every step of the way. My life is probably very different from the life you imagine your therapist having. I have a passion for learning everything that I can about happiness, perfection, and our relationships with ourselves. After some resistance and false starts and feeling like life was pulling me in a different direction, I had a heart to heart with my partner (after a BRUTAL fight) and he gave me some sound feedback – I either needed to give this 100% or nothing at all. I felt his words cut me deep in my soul.
I had the strangest experience a couple of months ago. It was an ordinary Sunday night. I had a mild case of the scaries but I took my Melatonin and was feeling pretty good. Work is as fine as it’s ever been, but I can’t shake the feeling that that I’m supposed to be doing so much more. Something huge. My mind starts racing and I have this idea. I am compelled to write. My mind in turning over so quickly as an endless amount of topics and stories start spilling out. It felt like everything that I’ve ever learned, heard, or said is making it’s way through my brain. My adrenalin was pumping as I was working. I was up the entire night without a minute of sleep. I have been though college and grad school and I have NEVER pulled an all nighter before. Even my best party marathons had me to bed by morning. I spent 24 hours organizing my thoughts, topics, and ideas. This is by far the longest stretch of awake that I have ever had and it never touched me. I just skipped a nights sleep and it didn’t even seem to matter. Just carried through by this fire and drive inside of me that I have never experienced before. There are years and years worth of work ahead of me but I wholeheartedly believe that that night happened for a reason that I have yet to understand. I believe in the power of the universe and I will take advantage of this clear directive that I was given.
Starting a blog in 2020 is intimidating. I am not perfect, my life is not perfect, and I refuse to pretend to be anything that I’m not. Life is beautiful and amazing but also messy and hard and I intend to highlight all of those things here.
I read all of the blogs – fashion, lifestyle, personal development but I don’t feel like I fit in anywhere with them. But that is a common theme throughout my life – I never feel like I really fit in anywhere. Maybe we’ll bake cookies or I’ll tell you about my outfits. Perhaps, I’ll even share all of the products that I love and make me happy and my life easier but I’m mostly here with you for the life altering, soul healing, finding your shine kind of stuff.